Mother of the Year

We got off to such a great start with kindergarten this morning–skipping into school ready to learn. By the early afternoon we had totally deteriorated into a dysfunctional mess. I picked up my daughter from her first full day of school and she immediately started crying, thinking she had lost her headband. Turns out, it was attached to her backpack so all was well. On the 2 mile drive home, we had a second round of tears about her nap towel. It’s her favorite Princess towel, and she realized today that she has to leave it at school. I quickly folded like a cheap tent and promised to purchase her another towel for naptime. Consumer-free living be damned. My child was an emotional wreck and I was willing to promise her anything to make it all better.

A snack of chocolate milk dried up all tears, but then my two year old, who missed out on his regular 3 hour nap due to elementary school pickup time, was getting a little cranky. He was satisfied with a push in the swing, but then my kindergartner fell apart again upon realizing that her Crocs (that were about 3 sizes too small) had been given away. She had the mother of all temper tantrums, telling me I was a rotten mother who never did anything nice for her. Under normal circumstances, this kind of talk would have resulted in a quick trip to her room to think about her words. But today, the first full day of kindergarten, I swooped up both kids and ran to University Mall to purchase new pink Crocs. What a sucker!!

Once satisfied with new trendy, rubber shoes (generic brand and on sale, but the tears were gone!), we left the mall. On the way out, the kids decided to have a quick foot race and my son slammed face-first into the glass door at the mall, resulting in a bloody forehead, a nice goose egg and some smashed fingers. All I could say to my daughter was “I hope you’re happy with those shoes!”.

For all of this, I’m awarding myself the Mother of the Year Award. A little guilt induced psychological damage for the five year old, an open head wound for the 2 year old, and a mom who is driven to drink at 5pm. So much for a trip to the mall.

To buy list

I’m starting to keep a running list in my head of stuff I want. This feels antithetical to the spirit of the consumer-free project. If I run out in January and start buying like a crazy woman, then I’ve learned nothing. But for now, I just need to empty my head of my fantasy “to buy” list:

New master bathroom (okay, that’s a big one)
Fall shoes (at least 3 pairs for me and one for my daughter)
A stapler (mine doesn’t work very well, but I know a trip to Staples to buy one will induce more shopping so I’m holding off)
New window treatments in our master bedroom
A fall purse
New towels for new master bathroom
A FLOR rug in my dining room (this is ridiculous because it will just be covered in food all of the time, but nevertheless, I want it)
A minivan (okay, another big one)
A fall dress from Anthropologie
Black cashmere turtleneck sweater (I’m still pouting about it)

Okay, I feel a little better getting that off my chest. Now I think I’ll go take a cold shower.

Off and running

Yee-haw…both of my kids are in school and I’m feeling like a free woman. My daughter started kindergarten yesterday, and for those of you who asked, I managed NOT to cry. She was just so darn excited about the whole experience, I couldn’t ruin it for her by getting weepy. She jumped out of bed and had herself ready to go this morning with time to spare, so I think we’re off to a great start. I also hired a new sitter to pick up my son a few days a week so I can work a little more. (All of you in need of organizational help–I’m waiting for my phone to ring off the hook!). Now that the kids are taken care of, I’m really starting to wonder what I’ll do with myself during all of this “me” time?

I talked to my sister in Greensboro the other day–we’re in the same boat getting both kids off to school this week. She went shopping to pick up some necessities on her first day of freedom and came home with $200 worth of stuff. I’m a little worried the same thing will happen to me. As I’ve mentioned before, I don’t love shopping, and I truly despise shopping with my kids. But now that I have all of this free time, will I begin to shop as entertainment? Will it be a little too easy to browse and pick up unnecessary items? Will shopping fill some void I didn’t know I had? Perhaps the real challenge has just begun!

I can’t get no satisfaction

Yesterday, I decided that I must remodel our master bathroom. It’s been ugly from day one, but now I feel that I can hardly function in it. There is no counter space, a 30 year old vanity with rust on it, 1970’s linoleum floors that are impossible to clean, a toilet that only flushes every three tries, and a dingy fiberglass tub. Not only do I want to shop, I want to gut an entire room to the studs and start fresh!

When I start to get busy (organizational work is picking up again after the typical slowdown of summer, and kids are starting back to school), I get antsy and need a big project. But it’s going to be a little hard to re-do an entire room without buying anything. I’m unlikely to find a room’s worth of slate tile, a vanity with concrete countertops and a solid glass shower door on Freecycle. Alas, I’ll be living with A Very Brady Bathroom until spring (nevermind that we don’t have the money saved up for this little project!).

Today I spoke with a great friend of mine, Laura (Asheboro buddy that I’ve known since we were children), and we were discussing our desire to feel satisfied with all that we have, rather than constantly asking for/wanting more. This really gets to the heart of why I started this consumer-free project. I’m chronically dissatisfied with my personal belongings–wondering when I’ll get better clothes, nicer furniture, a better car (see previous blog posts for kvetching on each of these topics). These thoughts lead to wanting/buying more, which I don’t really need and afterwards, all that I’ve purchased feels totally wasteful. I never reach that ultimate feeling of satisfaction. What would I do with myself if I had it all? So here I sit, not even two months in to consumer-free living, staring at my ugly bathroom, still wanting more.

Food Quandry

Food is stressing me out this week. This has nothing to do with the extra “padding” around my middle that seems to be settling in for the winter, but with the ridiculous amount of packaging that comes with most of the food we consume in the Kersh household. Today I did an inventory of our mixed paper recycling and found the following contents:

2 seltzer boxes (thank you Cat and Derek for starting our 2 pk a week seltzer habit!)
2 frozen waffle boxes
3 empty cereal boxes
1 granola bar box
1 organic chocolate animal cracker box
1 Kraft Easy-Mac box
1 box from mandarin orange cups (nevermind the cups)
1 box from peaches in gel (again, nevermind the cups!)
1 box wheat thins
1 box from turkey deli meat
1 cardboard oatmeal container

I think I’m kind of a mom in the middle about feeding my kids (perhaps you would disagree with this statement after reading above referenced recycling inventory!). We don’t eat lots of sugary cereal and sweet snacks, but my kids could pick out Lucky Charms in a lineup and they’ve been known to down an Oreo or two as a treat. Because we’re on the go a fair amount, I’ve fallen into the trap of purchasing lots of individually packaged snacks because, let’s face it, they’re much easier to toss in the car and a bit less likely to spill in the abyss that exists in the bottom of car seats.

Just yesterday I did my big back to school grocery shopping extravaganza. Starting on Monday I’ll be packing two snacks and a lunch every day. I vowed that I would do better and purchase less pre-packaged stuff, but it’s so hard to avoid. I still bought at least 6 big boxes of crackers/animal crackers/graham cracker-like products (you’ll find no one on the Atkins diet in this house!), each in it’s own sturdy cardboard box with large plastic bag inside. If only Cheese-Its were available in a biodegradable bag, I could clear my conscience!! I know that I could make a trip to Whole Foods and purchase snacks in the bulk food aisle, but I somehow don’t see my 2 year old downing unsweetened banana chips at the preschool snack table.

The topic of food packaging and waste came up over the weekend at the beach, where I took my daughter and several friends/rising kindergartners for a mommy-daughter weekend. My friend Erin’s sister, who lives in West Texas, is committed to creating no waste with the food she purchases. She’s reusing bags and containers and purchasing all of her food from local farmers and producers. I truly admire her efforts and it’s a goal I would love to achieve. But there are so many consequences–changing our diets (Cheese-Its may not be the healthiest snack, but they sure are tasty!), driving to a number of places to purchase food, spending more money, being less lazy. I’m really trying to weigh my options of being a more responsible parent and member of society, with my desire to avoid being completely inconvenienced. Perhaps I should be a little less hard on Al Gore and have higher expectations of my self!

Back to School Blues

You might think this post will be about how teary eyed I am over my first born starting kindergarten, but it’s not. Don’t get me wrong, I am quite sad that my “little” girl is big enough for elementary school. She’ll now be spending 2/3 of her waking hours away from home. I know I’ll be one of many blubbering mothers pulling through the kiss and go line. Someone is sure to send me one of those sappy, sentimental emails about treasuring our children when they’re young and I’ll be reduced to a puddle of tears and wet tissues. But I’m also very excited about all that kindergarten will bring — new friends, new challenges, learning to read and write. Kindergarten is going to be a great adventure!

What has me blue today is the thought of going through fall without a wardrobe overhaul. Call me shallow, but I can’t help myself. I simply love fall, and part of that love is associated with shopping. Growing up, it always meant a full day at the mall with my mother and sister, purchasing a new wardrobe of jeans, school shoes, sweaters and school supplies. And we weren’t beyond sneaking these packages into the house and “hiding” them from my father, bringing out a new item every few weeks so he wouldn’t catch on to our excessive shopping excursions. I remember with surprising clarity entering The Four Seasons Mall in Greensboro (the pickin’s at the Randolph Mall in Asheboro were slim to none!) and racing to The Limited (Forenza sweaters anyone???) and 5-7-9 (God what I would give to squeeze into something from that store again!). For me, Fall=Shopping. But this year, I’m forcing myself to opt out.

First, when I look in my closet, I’m ashamed at how much I already have. And like most people, I wear 20% of my clothing 80% of the time (I may actually be closer to 90%). Thanks to my career in organizing and my station-wagon-driving life with young kids, most days I’m in workout clothes or jeans and a black t-shirt. No one would call me trendy or fashionable. But I do love a great pair of shoes, and I found myself actually pouting over a black cashmere turtleneck I spotted in a catalog the other day. I’ve tried to justify purchasing used clothes rather than new this fall — but somehow that doesn’t seem to follow the spirit of the project — simply trying to live with less.

I’m well aware that I spend way too much mental energy fretting over the way I look, how my pants fit, does something make my ass look big. For me, purchasing new clothes provides only a temporary high, and then I’m right back to struggling with feelings of fashion-induced inadequacy. To date, this exercise in consumer-free living hasn’t made me any thinner or richer — but I don’t think a quick trip to the mall would do that either. Look for me this fall, in last years corduroys (perhaps a bit tighter through the thighs), some beat up clogs and a slightly shabby sweater. I just hope I’m laughing, not crying.

Buying for Baby (and big kids, too)

I visited my very pregnant friend, Alison, today to wish her well before she gives birth to her second child in a week or two. I couldn’t resist the urge to take a peak at the nursery complete with coordinated bedding, curtains, and cute little ballet accessories. A little slice of baby-heaven just waiting for its new occupant to arrive.

Our family is now complete (God willin’!) with our son and daughter, but sometimes I miss those months of pregnancy–thinking about being a mom, watching my body change, wondering what our children will look/act/be like, spending countless hours flipping through the Land of Nod and Pottery Barn Kids catalogs, wanting one of every adorable item pictured within. I did my fair share of shopping while preparing our nest and wanted only the best for our precious little ones. Clearly, children born in the new millennium require a lot of beautiful, expensive, safety-inspected stuff.

My, how times have changed. When I was born in the early 1970s, my parents were both still in college. They lived in a single-wide trailer in Cary, NC. My crib (with slats a perfect baby-suffocating 8″ apart, I’m sure) was in the kitchen/living/dining room of their trailer. My “room” was decorated with a Budweiser poster thumbtacked to the wall above my crib, and a guinea pig nested in a cage underneath. My parents still refer to these as the good old days, when the person who had hot charcoal in their Weber grill was the most popular person in the trailer park. I survived these humble beginnings without a single 5-point harness, and have gone on to raise our kids in a very different world.

Now that we’re through the baby phase, I’m starting to see that the big spending days have just begun. Diapers are cheap compared to iPods and designer jeans. Our 2 year old already yells “I NEEEEED it” when he sees something he wants or thinks he wants. Our 5 year old can wear out a Mini Boden catalog in a matter of days. I seriously think she might be taking it with her to the bathroom. To be honest, we don’t buy tons of toys and clothes for our children. We’re very fortunate to have a neice and nephew who are exactly a year older than our kids and we receive loads of hand-me-downs. Yet we still have SO much! How do we get off this consumer machine at this point in the game? Is there even such a thing as “enough” for kids — in their eyes or ours? It’s going to be a little tricky to teach simple living when we’re still trying to figure it out for ourselves.

Dear Mr. Gore,

I thought the Republicans typically held ownership over the statement “Do as I say, not as I do.” Perhaps you found it a bit too Inconvenient to stand behind the beliefs you espouse in your film–but you’ve left this temporary non-consumer feeling let down and wondering if your “Truth” is more fiction than fact. I just read the article in USA Today about your big house livin’, oil stock ownin’, non-wind energy purchasin’ ways, and I’m feeling, well, disappointed to say the least (thanks to my Bush-loving Dad for pointing me to the article).

I recognize that flying on a plane to promote your film is part of your job. And I also realize that a house in both TN and VA could be justified as necessary for someone who keeps one foot in national politics. But come on, can’t you shell out the few extra bucks for the wind energy? How much consideration does that really require?

Please don’t leave us hanging the way you did in 2000. Fight back. Tell us you drive a Prius and you always recycle and you try to eat organic, locally grown produce and you use compact fluorescent lighting and that last year you planted at least one tree and that you’re writing a check today for wind energy.

I haven’t shopped for unnecessary items in 30 days, I’ve gained five pounds, and to top it all off, I have to go to Wal-Mart tomorrow. You might understand why I’m feeling a little pissy. This news came at a weak moment for me, Mr. Gore, and I need to know you practice what you preach. I’m eagerly awaiting your rebuttal to these accusations. Don’t make me face my dad and hang my head in shame!

Sincerely,
Perri Kersh
Consumer-free Mom in Chapel Hill, NC

One month down, five to go…

We’re officially one month in to our six month consumer-free project as a family. I certainly can’t say we’re suffering. I’m still purchasing food (and for those who have asked, alcoholic beverages fit under the “food” category in my book) and gas for our two vehicles. I’ve also purchased various items to complete the cursed landscaping project (plants are good for the environment, so cut me some slack), and a backpack and lunchbox for our daughter who starts kindergarten in two weeks. We’re living comfortably in our air-conditioned, furnished home, occasionally entertaining friends and dining out (attempting to do so only once a week). For the most part, consumer-free living at the Kersh home ain’t so bad.

A few unforeseen events have lead to thoughts of cheating. Like the fact that our tiny-footed daughter all of a sudden outgrew all of her shoes. I’m trying to be reasonable and purchase second hand shoes or hope for hand-me-downs, but a grandma-financed trip to Nordstroms may be in her future. And speaking of grandma, my mother made it known from the start that she was in no way participating in this non-shopping extravaganza, and has purchased several clothing items for our kids. I can’t fault her for this. She once told me I was taking her joy away when I asked her not to purchase curtains for the bare windows in our dining room, so I’ve decided to leave well enough alone.

Originally, I had a number of questions about the impact this would have:

Q: Will we save money?
A: Not yet due to high gas prices and purchases for yard project

Q: Will we create less garbage?
A: Perhaps a little less. I’m now motivated to be more diligent with recycling–particularly mixed paper. I have to drive it to the local Orange County Recycling pickup, but given the volume, it seems worth the trip

Q: Will the kids learn from this experiment?
A: 2 year old has no clue. 5 year old is already talking about Christmas and continues to read catalogs like the Bible. I don’t think any great life lessons have sunk in yet.

I have made a few interesting observations. Overall, I spend more time everyday thinking about my personal impact on the environment. Given my obsessive tendencies, this could be a good thing, or push me over the edge. These thoughts don’t always lead to better decisions, but at least the environment is on my radar screen. I also feel that as a family, we’re spending more time together doing activities rather than acquiring stuff. A trip to Target or the mall used to be late afternoon entertainment for me and the kids. Now I’m more likely to take them for a walk or to the pool.

Is our life simpler after 30 days of trying to live with less? Not really. But we’re thinking a bit more, and trying to do our part, no matter how small. Keep tuning in. Many temptations lie ahead (fall clothing catalogs, a party we’re hosting in September, Halloween, Christmas…). And there’s always that new issue of Dwell to look forward to.

Why I Love Freecycle

For some reason, throwing things away totally depresses me these days. I haven’t always been this way. Just a year ago when we moved into our Chapel Hill house, we were amazed (and thrilled!) by what was picked up every week by our faithful Orange County trash guys—we threw out old vanities, sinks, loads of wood, fireplace screens. If it screamed 1979-decor, it went to the curb.

But I’m trying desperately to change my ways. One of my goals when we started this experiment in non-consumerism was to reduce our weekly waste. As a family, we’re pretty good recyclers (with the exception of last years trash-a-thon). We also compost (although to be truthful, we’re really just feeding the possums and various other critters that live in our woods). Yet we still create a lot of garbage. I blame prepackaged food for a big chunk of our trash. We also use disposable diapers–our second child, and his lazy mama, never took to cloth. But I’ve recently tapped into a resource that has created a new addiction and keeps some of our stuff out of the landfill…Freecycle.

This is a local Yahoo! group (they’re everywhere–just check out freecycle.org to find a group) that posts stuff people want to get rid of, or stuff people need, and everything is free. You’re not allowed to sell or barter any items. Give aways only. And I’m constantly amazed at what people offer and what people take! We unloaded a big-honkin’ 17″ computer monitor in less then 20 minutes. We also got rid of an old bathroom mirror and a cordless screwdriver we hadn’t used in years. Someone in nearby Hillsborough had an old shed and they were offering the wood. The catch was, you had to come and disassemble the shed to take the wood. It was gone in a day. Freecycle is a great spot for finding moving boxes, scrap lumber, kids toys, computer parts…and some extremely random stuff like deer repellers for your car, or a lovely burgundy lycra dance dress with fishtail skirt. You name it, it’s probably on there.

I can get pretty depressed when I read articles about our throw-away obsessed society (see article in SF Gate if you’re in the mood for a good downer). But Freecycle gives me hope. There are over 1000 people in our community who are committed to keeping stuff out of the landfill…or at least committed to getting used stuff for free–and what’s so wrong with that? I’ve got a little making up to do, but I think we’re headed in the right direction.