I’m powerless

Step one in most 12-step programs is admitting you’re powerless over your addiction. Well I’m here to say, I am truly powerless over the seduction of Target. I had to get my car stereo repaired this morning (yee-haw…NPR is back and operational, however, my CD player was unsalvageable). The VW store is right next to Target in Durham and I just needed a few necessities, so I went in there with my list in my hand and a firm resolve to stay true to my pledge of not buying.

I was first lured in by the site of a booster seat for less than $20. We need (well…okay, we want it, but it’s much more convenient to have two!) one for my husband’s car and it seemed like a real bargain, so I bought. Then I had to swing through the workout clothes section on my way to pick up cat food. I recalled my nearly crotchless workout pants (not such a hot look in a yoga class!) and was totally tempted to buy. If I had seen something I liked, I would have fallen prey, but fortunately, there wasn’t anything I fell in love with so I walked away empty handed. Naturally, the $1 Spot is right next to the checkout and it was filled with Halloween goodness, all for a buck! I would have been all over that bargain booth, but I happened to see someone I know and I couldn’t get busted buying by someone who reads this blog! Close call…

So I escaped with only one extra purchase, but boy was it good to be back, walking the aisles of well-designed yet mostly un-necessary stuff. 3 months in and I’ve got to get back on the wagon and stay away from Target!

Want vs. Need

Tonight during dinner, our 2 1/2 year old decided he’d prefer to skip his green beans and go straight for dessert. He was marching around the table saying “I NEEEED a cookie. I NEEEED it”, and our daughter looked at him and said “you don’t need a cookie, you just want one.” Hmmmm, perhaps some lessons are starting to sink in about want vs. need, afterall?

Shopping in my own closet…

The seasons are changing, fall is in the air, and I’m ready to ditch my black tank tops (my signature station-wagon driving, organizing for a living, chasing after the kids look). I did a little shopping in my own closet this morning, and unearthed some surprising treasures. I found a couple of great shirts way back in the back that don’t look too shabby. Since I’m STILL carrying around an extra 5 lbs. (well, make that almost 7 after the ridiculous amount of food/wine I consumed at my bookclub party Tuesday night!), I’ll have to see what I can squeeze into. But I’m hoping to find a few new uniforms to update my look without having to hit the thrift stores in total desperation. So what if I’m wearing something from 2001…as if I were going to go out and buy leggings (the “in” look for fall ‘06???) anyway. I can’t wait to start rummaging through my drawers to see what I can come up with next!

‘Tis the Season…

My first Christmas catalog arrived yesterday (a full quarter of the year before the holiday, mind you!). I’ve never been a real shop early kind of gal. I usually lump everything in to the week or two after Thanksgiving, buying without giving much thought to how much I’m spending and obsessively continuing to shop until it all feels “equal” (although I have no idea who is really keeping score). Once January rolls around and the first credit card bill arrives, I’m blown away by the expense of it all. Not to mention that many gifts are already forgotten by the time we pay for them. We often end up spending the first quarter of the year feeling totally cash strapped, and then we’re back to spending and accumulating again.

This year, I’m going to have to be a little more creative, so I’d better start now! Within our immediate family, we’ve decided that Santa still has to come to our house. Last year, our then four year old walked in on all of her Santa toys (included the piece-of-crap Amazing Amanda) sitting out on our bed late Christmas Eve. I was sure she was asleep so I staged a quick Christmas morning display run-through (again, just to make sure it all looked even). She somehow managed to wipe the image from her memory and rationalized it into some strange “dream”, so we bought ourselves another year. Gotta keep that magic alive as long as I can, so despite our non-spending ways, Santa will get credit for his generosity, and mommy and daddy will just look like cheap-asses for buying no gifts on our own.

For my side of the family, we’re taking a pre-Christmas trip. We’re heading up to the mountains, renting a cabin, eating, drinking and playing cards, and coming home with fresh Christmas trees from Western NC. Fortunately, Carter’s family long ago gave up gift buying so we’ll just aim for a post holiday trip to visit everyone. For friends, my plan is to do my best to buy “experiences”–such as children’s museum passes or movie gift certificates rather than stuff.

I’m finding that, even in my mind, it’s hard to balance out the reality of spending/buying less (even for a good cause) and feeling like a bit of a Scrooge. I can’t impose our ideas of accumulating less on others (especially my mother!), but I do want our children to see that Christmas is about being together, traveling to see family and friends, and helping other people who have less, rather than acquiring every American Girl doll accessory in the catalog.

We’ll see how we do. If you have great ideas about spending/buying less for the holidays, let me know! I’ve still got three months to survive and the catalog onslaught has just begun.

How about a little appreciation for the suffering?

I have a fantastic husband and I love him dearly. But man, did he make me mad this morning! I casually mentioned that I wanted to go to Dickinson’s (my favorite plant store in Chapel Hill) and purchase some fall plants for the pots on our deck. As I’ve mentioned before, I love fall–it truly is my favorite time of the year. But by September, my impatiens are drooping, my coleus is leggy, and my lantana is ready to call it quits. My summer plants need to be given a proper burial in the compost pile, only to be quickly replaced by pansies, ornamental cabbages and mums. I fully recognize that this purchase is an “exception”…it’s not a necessity, nor is it truly a replacement of something we have to have. But it’s plants, for crying out loud.

So when I mentioned this to Carter, he had the audacity to say, “boy, we sure aren’t suffering too much around here if you can go and buy plants. What kind of exception is that?” This didn’t go over so well with me. For the record, I do about 95% of the shopping for this family (food, clothes for kids, stuff for the house, stuff for our cat, stuff for HIM), so as far as I’m concerned, I’m doing 95% of the not-shopping right now, too. So yes, I’m suffering! He could be married to a woman who loves big diamonds, expensive cars and requires a Nordstrom’s fix every 10 days. But that’s not me! I’m a total tight wad and I’m willing to give up a little in the name of environmentalism.

So all I’m saying is that I’d like to be shown just a little appreciation for my efforts. Perhaps we’re not living in a yurt powered by the sun, but in some small way, I’m trying. Can’t I just get a little joy out of digging in the dirt for a day without grief? I expect a full apology, and a foot rub, before morning! Oh, and FYI honey: I will be buying pumpkins this year as well.

Oh, to be car-free

I’m realizing that attempting to live a “simpler” (in a more environmentally sensitive, gentler on the earth kind of way) life just ain’t that simple. Want to recycle mixed paper? Gotta drive it to the recycling center. Want to eat local, organically grown food that doesn’t come in ridiculous amounts of packaging? Gotta shop at multiple markets and stores. Want to be car free with kids? Gotta schlep to the bus stop with two kids, bags of crap needed for the day (e.g. diapers, wipes, snacks, toys, books, strollers, phone, keys, wallet, etc.), hope the bus arrives in fewer than 10 minutes before children start playing in the street or losing their cool, then hope we don’t have to walk more than 4 blocks with kids and above mentioned items to get to our destination (because at that point, I’ve probably lost my cool!). In NYC, maybe…in Chapel Hill, NC, probably not!

Our town is celebrating car-free day today, encouraging people to use our excellent FREE public transportation or ride bikes or walk where they need to go. This sounds so wonderfully environmental, but if you have young children to transport, it’s no easy task. We walk our daughter to school, so for approximately 20 minutes each day, I’m a willing participant in car-free living. But after that, I’m off and running in my non-hybrid, gas guzzling VW wagon. My son has to go to school (5 minutes by car OR 30 minutes by bus), I have to go to work (I work in client’s homes so the bus is usually out of the question), and my husband has to go to work (20 minutes by car OR 1 hour by bus requiring a transfer to a transit authority bus). Then, at the end of the day, we do it all again in reverse.

I care about our environmental impact…really, I do! But I’m only willing to give up so much time and convenience (and sanity). So I’m checking out a new resource called TerraPass that allows me to drive around town with slightly less guilt. For $50 a year I can help to offset the 12,000 lbs of CO2 my car emits. The money is used to help sponsor clean air initiatives (such as wind energy) to balance out my environmental impact. Seems like a nice (albeit lazy!) way to feel a little greener without totally wrecking my day. Hmmmm…I’m dreaming up Christmas presents for beloved family members as I write this…Terrapasses all around!

Break down…

Up until this point, two and a half months of non-shopping hasn’t been too tough. We were fairly well stocked on basic necessities and hadn’t really felt the pinch. Apparently, that well is starting to dry up. Plus, all of a sudden, a lot of stuff is breaking.

First, my car stereo went out. I don’t really mind not listening to kids music for a week or two (or twelve), but I’m missing my NPR fix. Again, no cable tv, so that is my major source of news and information. And I love Diane Rehm, and Dick Gordon, and Terry Gross. Oh, and did I mention Ira Glass? Love that guy, too. They’re like my adult friends that I can zone out to when I need to feel like a well-informed grown up. So, the stereo has to be fixed (hopefully not replaced!).

Then this morning, I broke a coffee mug (it’s from a Crate and Barrel set that I love, and I fear that if I don’t replace it, they’ll discontinue the pattern), and tonight, my son broke a lamp shade in the playroom, and our VCR’s appetite for tape-eating has increased to the point that it’s pretty useless (and really, who wants to buy a VCR these days, but what do you do with all of the old tapes?). And finally, my favorite lipstick pencil is down to a nub. I almost got a lip splinter the other day, which I imagine would hurt very much.

Nevermind the winter of our discontent. Fall may be pretty damn bleak as well!

Tippin’ my hat

A big thanks to Amanda, who writes a fantastic blog called NakedLedger, for pointing people my way. I had my biggest group of readers ever today. And let me just share that super high blog stats have a nice way of compensating for feelings of low self-esteem caused by ill-fitting clothes from last year. So thanks for checking out my site and please keep reading.

Amanda’s blog explores her family’s attempts to live on a budget–and she really does expose their spendin’ ways–receipts and all. However you go about it–living on a budget or temporarily opting out of the consumer game–you might just find that you save some bucks!

Parenting Dilemma

Our daughter is starting to exhibit weird behavior. For the last few days, she has been taking common, everyday items from around the house (e.g. books, a box filled with LiteBrite pieces, an egg she colored in school) and wrapping them in wrapping paper, tying them up in bows, then pretending that they’re gifts to her. Is this some desperate cry for help? Is she so starved for stuff that she’s creating an imaginary universe full of “gifts” from “friends” who care? I always suspected I’d drive her into therapy, but I never thought it would be over this trying-not-to-buy experiment.

Then to add to my guilt and bewilderment, she started asking some tough questions about the allowance we recently started giving her. She receives $.75 each week if she cleans her room once, cleans the playroom once, and then does normal stuff like get ready for school on time without my evil drill sergeant act. I made 3 little jars for her, and out of her allowance she puts a quarter in savings, a quarter in to give away to others, and a quarter in to spend. Today, after counting her big spending money, she said “but hey, I thought we weren’t buying anything? What am I going to do with all of this money?” The girl is racking up some serious dough–I don’t know how long I can hold her off!

I’m trying to teach a little financial and environmental responsibility here…what would you do?

Not-so-Amazing Amanda

I was just reading a blog that often makes me chuckle (Mom’s Daily Dose) about the hype surrounding this year’s “must have” toy–some new Tickle Me Elmo extreme edition. The author of the blog asks who is going to run out and buy that toy? As a cautionary tale, I feel compelled to share my story of Christmas 2005, and Amazing Amanda.

Last winter, we had just moved into our house, and for 8 glorious months we had free cable. It was like crack to us, since we’ve never picked up more than four channels (we’re cheap, and take issue with paying for crap on TV, and we still proudly own rabbit ears that get us 3 channels on a clear day for nothin’!). But once we were exposed to 95 clear-as-a-bell channels for free, we couldn’t turn it off! I once caught my husband watching Red Dawn in Spanish (he does not speak that language) and I realized we’d had enough. The cable company caught on and turned off our free cable.

Prior to the cable cut off, our daughter enjoyed at least a good hour a day of Nick Jr, along with the mind numbing barrage of advertisements that come with commercial TV. Once she caught a glimpse of just how amazing Amanda was (“Mom, that doll will really understand me!”), she wanted nothing else. For those who missed her ad campaign, Amazing Amanda is a freaky looking doll of questionable age, who comes with her own potty and a delicious selection of junk food, and in the fantasy world of TV marketing to children, has voice recognition technology that will allow her to really understand everything your child says. I should have known better.

Amanda was delivered on Christmas morning and our daughter was delighted. She ignored her stocking and other goodies and immediately wanted to bond with her new doll. However, Amanda required a bit of “training” in order to understand her new mommy. This was no easy task. Even with my help, it took us over an hour to get Amanda to figure out the day and time and stop telling us she had to pee every 3 minutes, and I have a flippin’ master’s degree! We quickly learned that if Amanda is turned off, she has to be programmed all over again. Otherwise, she’ll speak in this whispery voice and say “You don’t sound like my mommy. I’ll just play alone until my mommy comes back.” Note to toy manufacturers: rejection is not a good method for winning over a child. I kid you not, by 4pm on Christmas day, we found Amanda stuffed in a trash can in our home office. Our child pretty much said “Amanda, you’re dead to me.”

To this day, Amanda rests silently, batteries removed, in a crib full of dolls. She might have cost $85, but she sure doesn’t get any special love or attention. Rest assured, unless the 2006 version of Tickle Me Elmo can run a vacuum cleaner, fold laundry and potty train my son, he won’t be living in our house.